Boy, was my face red

When I got my blog assignment from Cathy for the week, I really had to think about it. For a good while. Off the top of my head, I couldn't recall a single, glaringly embarrassing moment and yet I thought, surely, there must be something! So I asked Jason and without a second's hesitation he says, "Oh it has to be when you plowed over that palm tree in high school."

Oh yes. That.

See what happens when you marry your high school sweetheart? Since they've been there for it all, they can *help* you remember those things you'd much rather conveniently forget.

Let's go back in time, as this story takes place nearly half a lifetime ago. I was either 15 or 16, I can't remember. Either I still had my driving permit or I hadn't had my license for long. My mom and I were headed to the bookstore (one of my favorite places, of course) and I was in the driver's seat. I should tell you I had a fear of parking lots. I still don't like them and the incident that's about to unfold is probably a big reason why. Turning in general was tricky for me, so maneuvering into a small space was even more exasperating. I always felt immense pressure.

So we're in the Barnes and Noble Parking lot. We turn in to the lot and I spot an available space kind of far away from the store but it was also pretty wide open as far as other cars were concerned, and that gave it extra appeal. I approach the spot and begin to make the turn. I straighten out and suddenly my mom exclaims, "Watch out!" and instead of hitting the brakes, I hit the gas. I should also tell you that this parking spot I was attempting to park in was overlooking a major road and there was a grassy hill just below that led down to the sidewalk. Well, we flew over the concrete parking bumper and raced down that grassy little hill, my poor mother screaming, "Melissa, what are you doing? Stop! Stop!" and I'm just flat out screaming bloody murder as we're jostling and bouncing our way down to the sidewalk.

Two things are miraculous: 1) There was not a soul to be found on the sidewalk below. Thank the good Lord because...well, let's just say it wouldn't have been good and this would be a very different kind of story if there had been. And 2) Somehow I had the wherewithal to turn the wheel hard to the right causing us to barrel back up the grassy hill instead of continuing into the busy street and into other unsuspecting drivers.

Enter the palm tree. That poor tree never knew what hit it. And what hit it was our Nissan with two screaming women inside. Thankfully, it was a young tree and bent upon impact otherwise, again, this would be a very different kind of story but that thing was never the same, I'm sure. It stopped us though and was lodged under the front of our car, making it impossible to move. Have you ever seen Planes, Trains, and Automobiles, starring John Candy and Steve Martin? Well if you have, do you remember when John Candy's character, Del, unsticks his hands from the steering wheel after nearly having a wreck with two oncoming semi trucks? That's what it felt like that day for me, too. If I could have bent the wheel, it would have been bent and my fingers would have made indentations. I was crying and shaking hysterically. People were gathering at an alarming rate and we could hear sirens approaching. I didn't really know what had happened but I knew it wasn't good and I knew it could mean I was in trouble.

And I knew I was extremely embarrassed.

Quite honestly, I don't remember much after that. I remember policemen. I remember a crap ton of lookie-loos. I remember wanting to crawl into a hole and stay there until I was old and grey. It was horrible. There were definite tire tracks leading from the parking lot down to the sidewalk and you could see where I turned that emergency abort! abort! right turn which lead us back up the hill and into that poor palm tree.

Thankfully, other than being really shook up and incredibly embarrassed, no harm, no foul. No one was hurt (thank God!!) and neither of us were fined. To this day, I have no idea how the damage was resolved.

Oh, and the reason my mom exclaimed, "Watch out!"? There was a glass bottle in the way of the car. Yes. A glass bottle. *sigh*