This is what thankful looks like

One year ago today, I underwent and survived open heart surgery. Today is my surgiversary. Instead of dedicating this post to where I am today (if you're interested, check out my post from earlier this month http://melissanam2227.blogspot.com/2010/10/better-luck-next-time.html ), I want to dedicate this post to my family and friends who helped me GET to where I am today.

To all who sent up a prayer, well wish, or positive thought on my behalf, thank you. To those who accompanied my family and I to the hospital and stayed throughout the surgery, thank you. To all who sent me cards, flowers and care packages, who called to give me reassurance and strength beforehand, during my hospital stay and recovery, and to those who still call "just to check in on me", thank you. To those who made or bought Jason and I meals, and those who came to keep me company when I was bed bound and bored, thank you. To those who have lent a shoulder to lean/cry on, who have listened to me when I just needed to talk, who have reminded me time and again that I am strong, that I am a survivor and that I am meant to be here, thank you. To those who have told me my scars are beautiful, that although I may feel changed on the inside, I am still me on the outside, thank you. To all who have made me smile even when (no, especially when) I felt like crying, thank you. For all of the love you all have given and shown, thank you, thank you, thank you. You will never know how much I appreciate each and every one of you for loving me just the way I am.

A special thank you to my parents, because I know watching their only child go through this was a hauntingly scary, challenging mess to say the very least. And to my husband, who is the reason I am sane (well, relatively) today and my inspiration for putting one foot in front of the other each and every day; he has been there from day one when everyone else went home, when everyone else could deal with my fear, pain and emotions in shifts, he was always there, right by my side. I love you.

I have come a long way, it's true. October 29, 2009 - October 29, 2010 has been one hell of a ride. I thank you from the very bottom of my heart for being there for me, no matter how big or small the gesture. It all meant so much and I am one lucky, blessed young woman for having you all in my life. Here's to many more (hopefully healthy!) years ahead!

Green Salsa

I found a wonderful recipe for homemade tomatillo salsa (aka green salsa) that came along with an equally amazing recipe for chicken enchiladas courtesy of Tyler Florence of Food Network. I first made them about a month ago when our friend Peter came over for dinner and decided to make them again when my mom was here on Saturday. This time, I documented the making of the salsa for your viewing pleasure. :)

All things crafty

This year, most (and by most, I really do mean most) of the gifts we'll be giving will be handmade. Money, or really the lack thereof, is the main motivator here but I'm actually enjoying making all of our gifts as opposed to buying them. Sure, I enjoy shopping and it's always fun to find the perfect gift for someone that you know they'll just love, but there's something special about making something with your own two hands, putting some love (and toil) into it, and making something that the recipient can keep and enjoy for years to come. I won't go into detail about exactly what I am making (where would the fun be in that?) but I will say this: it'll be a wide variety of gifts. I'll be baking, gluing, cutting, tying, infusing, ironing, etc. It's going to be craft central at our place this year!

And still I rise

I made bread! Sourdough bread, to be exact. It was fun, turned out well and made our apartment smell oh-so-yummy. If you have a little bit of extra time, I highly recommend it: total cost was approx. $1.50 and tasted so much better than store bought bread.

Fall Colors

Anyone who knows me knows that I am in love with Fall. I adore the colors, the crispness in the air and the fact that it really all leads in to my very favorite holiday: Christmas! But, I'm getting ahead of myself.

Jason and I went to Live Oak Canyon Pumpkin Patch today and had a great time frolicking amongst the pumpkins and gourds.

Here are a few of my favorite shots:

Chimes!

I am in love with the wind chime I scored at a local arts & crafts fair here in Redlands.

Check it out!

Better luck next time

The aforementioned job opportunity didn't pan out, much to my dismay. I was very disappointed, especially considering I had gone to three (count 'em, three) interviews and they called the day after the 3rd one to tell me I didn't get it. And then yesterday, I found out the girl they did hire is actually one of their patients, so I really don't think I had much of a shot once she was in the running. Employers are more likely to pick someone they know over someone they don't. Ah well, I gave it my best shot, it was a great interviewing experience, and now it's back to the drawing board. Must not have been the job for me.

In other news, one year ago today I was told I would need open heart surgery. It was a day that I, and most of my immediate family, will never forget. That news changed my life forever, and was the beginning of the hardest, most challenging year of my life, physically, emotionally, and spiritually. I stepped aboard a roller coaster that I never thought I'd get off of, and though there are still plenty of days in which I still have that feeling, they are becoming fewer and the ride is beginning to slow down a bit. 28 days from today, I will celebrate my one year surg-a-versary, a huge milestone for me and for anyone who's undergone open heart surgery. Medically, the one year mark is when I was told to expect to begin feeling like me again. Of course, I had a set back with the pacemaker but you know, I think they were mostly right. I say "mostly" because I will never truly be the me I was before the surgery. That me is gone. I look at things differently now, my priorities are more clear to me than ever, and most obviously the physical and mental scars are ones that will fade over time but never really heal completely. And that's ok. With time, I'll relax in to this new version of me, and this past year will just be a part of my history, part of what makes me unique.

I'll always have to check in with the doctor's, send in my pacemaker readings every three months so they can check up on things and make sure the battery is doing ok, but over time, I'm sure it'll become routine, something I just do, like getting the car tuned up every 3,000 miles. ;)


People say, when I tell them I don't feel like the old me, that I still look and sound and act like the old me, which leads me to believe that most of the changes are perceived by me alone. And that's good. Some things you have to go through on your own to truly become one with, like a good pair of jeans. They look good on the outside from day one, but their true awesomeness is really only felt by the wearer, as over time they gradually fit like a second skin - and it's something only you can appreciate. So this new me, this "newer version," I like her, even with all of her newly acquired quirks. She's really starting to grow on me.