Better luck next time

The aforementioned job opportunity didn't pan out, much to my dismay. I was very disappointed, especially considering I had gone to three (count 'em, three) interviews and they called the day after the 3rd one to tell me I didn't get it. And then yesterday, I found out the girl they did hire is actually one of their patients, so I really don't think I had much of a shot once she was in the running. Employers are more likely to pick someone they know over someone they don't. Ah well, I gave it my best shot, it was a great interviewing experience, and now it's back to the drawing board. Must not have been the job for me.

In other news, one year ago today I was told I would need open heart surgery. It was a day that I, and most of my immediate family, will never forget. That news changed my life forever, and was the beginning of the hardest, most challenging year of my life, physically, emotionally, and spiritually. I stepped aboard a roller coaster that I never thought I'd get off of, and though there are still plenty of days in which I still have that feeling, they are becoming fewer and the ride is beginning to slow down a bit. 28 days from today, I will celebrate my one year surg-a-versary, a huge milestone for me and for anyone who's undergone open heart surgery. Medically, the one year mark is when I was told to expect to begin feeling like me again. Of course, I had a set back with the pacemaker but you know, I think they were mostly right. I say "mostly" because I will never truly be the me I was before the surgery. That me is gone. I look at things differently now, my priorities are more clear to me than ever, and most obviously the physical and mental scars are ones that will fade over time but never really heal completely. And that's ok. With time, I'll relax in to this new version of me, and this past year will just be a part of my history, part of what makes me unique.

I'll always have to check in with the doctor's, send in my pacemaker readings every three months so they can check up on things and make sure the battery is doing ok, but over time, I'm sure it'll become routine, something I just do, like getting the car tuned up every 3,000 miles. ;)


People say, when I tell them I don't feel like the old me, that I still look and sound and act like the old me, which leads me to believe that most of the changes are perceived by me alone. And that's good. Some things you have to go through on your own to truly become one with, like a good pair of jeans. They look good on the outside from day one, but their true awesomeness is really only felt by the wearer, as over time they gradually fit like a second skin - and it's something only you can appreciate. So this new me, this "newer version," I like her, even with all of her newly acquired quirks. She's really starting to grow on me.