And the beat goes on

Wow, nearly six months since I last posted. Well, a lot has gone on so although it's not always the best excuse, in my case, it is. I found out I needed open heart surgery on Oct. 1 and then subsequently underwent the surgery on Oct. 29th. I can't believe I summarized that in one sentence. At any rate, it was a terrifying time but I made it and now I'm home recovering from the whole thing and hoping to return to work on January 4th...which is coming up faster than I thought it would. Two months away from work seemed, at the time when I first learned how long I would be gone, like an eternity, but after everything I've gone through and where I am in the recovery process, I feel like I could use two months more! The surgery was scary and the weeks and days leading up to it were challenging to say the least - I sometimes felt like I was preparing to walk to the gallows - but once the day came and went, and I was freed from the hospital after 5 days and then home again, and then admitted to the ER after only 3 days of being home, only to find out that I needed a second procedure to stop my erratic heart rate that had developed, it has all flown by so fast. Today marks week 6 since the surgery. I can't believe it. There is definitely a lot of work ahead, but I'm getting stronger and returning to normalcy more each day. I have good days and bad days but I've adopted the motto of getting through one day at a time.

There was honestly a time, a good chunk of time, that I thought I wasn't going to make it through the surgery. It's open heart surgery, one of the most invasive surgeries you can have, and I was having it. I couldn't make sense of it, cried a lot, had my times of hysteria, was angry for a long time and then gratitude seeped in. They caught the problem before it caused me to be in poor health, before I was in a dire emergency situation, and they were going to fix it. The road would be tough, it would be challenging on a level I couldn't understand until after it was done and I was going through it, but now, with my nearly 7 inch scar down the center of my chest, I can show the world that I am alive, I am here, and I have so much left to do. I'm a fighter. I don't feel kindly toward my scar yet, but I'm hoping one day I will. I'm hoping it serves as a reminder to others that life is hard, things get thrown your way that you think are unfair, that you think you can't handle, but you CAN and you DO because you do what you have to do to survive and move forward.

So this holiday season I feel so blessed to be here, to be alive and on my way to being well and to have such wonderful blessings in my life, namely my family and friends who showed unwavering support throughout this challenging time. First and foremost, I am thankful for my wonderful husband, Jason, who never left my side, never gave up hope that I would come out strong, and who will always be my angel here on Earth. I am so very lucky, honored and humbled to be his wife.

This Christmas, I look at the Christmas tree in our living room, and hear Mannheim Steamroller on the CD player, and it's difficult not to cry. Two months ago, I thought there was a good chance I wouldn't be here to enjoy this season, and I encourage all of you to share with your loved ones just how much they mean to you - life is short, you don't know what tomorrow brings so don't wait for a possibility. I love you all and wish you the merriest of holidays! Thank you for being in my life and for supporting Jason and I when we needed the lift. Best wishes for 2010 and always!