My theme for 2014: Conscious Optimism

We've all heard the phrase, "Cautiously optimistic" but what if, instead, we replaced that cautious optimism with CONSCIOUS optimism? It's an idea I've been thinking a lot about lately and I think it's safe to say that it will be my theme for 2014.

I hadn't heard about people choosing yearly themes until recently. Other bloggers were posting about this idea and it got me to thinking about my own theme for the coming year: what would I choose and why? What would motivate me to keep on keepin' on through the ups and downs that may lie ahead? What can challenge me while at the same time encourage growth?

That last word: Growth. It's played a prominent role in my life lately. I rolled that word around in my mind a bit and I thought, "hey, maybe that would be my theme" but while important, it felt more appropriate for last year. {Can I retroactively give 2013 a theme?} So then I thought about hope. We all need hope, and we all need to lean upon it from time to time and I certainly have but it didn't feel...big enough, all encompassing enough while at the same time specific enough. What about strength? Sure, I feel strong, I've endured some things and grown (there's that word again!) from the experiences I've had but again, I think strength is a characteristic, not a theme. And then, for some reason, I started thinking about optimism and why it's so important, why "happy" people are truly... happy and what that means, and how my perception of happy people has shifted and morphed over the last few years.

Here is what I've discovered, for myself and through the guidance of others: Happiness is a journey, not a destination. You don't wake up one day and discover that, magically, out of the blue, you're happy. Tada! No. It has been my experience (and I can only speak for myself) that it is a journey, and one that you have to actively take part in, each and every day. In short, it is oftentimes a choice. And let's not kid ourselves, it's not always an easy choice. I'll admit it. There was a time that I thought that happy people were people looking at life through rose colored glasses. These people seemed to be satisfied no matter their circumstances and I couldn't figure out why, or how. But then again, I was going through a really rough time and I found that it took less effort to be unhappy and sad and frustrated and angry than it was to be, well, anything else. I let my emotions rule my life. I was frustrated, angry, sad and unhappy with my situation and didn't feel motivated to do anything about it. I wallowed, I moped and got comfortable in my sad, angry state. I was fine with it. Or so I thought. Then I realized I didn't have to be that way, that it wasn't healthy, and frankly, it wasn't becoming. Maybe I could try, slowly, to find the silver lining. To, little by little, open myself up to being cautiously optimistic and go from there. It seemed like a good place to start and it was.

But now, I feel ready for more. I feel ready to commit to more than just hoping to feel good, hoping to have a good day, hoping to have a good month, year, life. I want to actively take part in my own emotional well-being. But how do I go about doing that?

That's when the idea of conscious optimism popped in to my head. What if I challenged myself to, whenever possible, choose the positive over the negative, optimism over pessimism? And I emphasize that "whenever possible" part. I'm not setting myself up for failure by saying I'll ALWAYS be able to do this because that's not real life. People can't be pleasant or "happy" all of the time. And they shouldn't be, because life is hard and things are sad and it's unrealistic and unhealthy to go too far and pretend to be happy when you're clearly not. But I'm talking about trying to learn from mistakes; allowing yourself to be sad -- really sad -- when life and circumstances warrant it but then try with all your might to not allow it to become a state of being (been there, done that, not good); trying to glean positivity from a seemingly only negative situation because while it may be "easier" to choose to let your emotions win during hard times, maybe we forget that there's another option. What if I chose to replace the subjective word "happy" with the more specific word, "content"? What if to be happy was really all about learning to be content? Leaning to bob and weave when it counts and not let all of the little cruddy things life throws your way weigh you down? {Again, big things are sometimes game changers, wild cards if you will...I think it's hard to say with any amount of certainty or promise how you'll react to big, life changing negative experiences. I never thought some of the things that have happened would be part of my story but they are. I can't go back and change how I handled things then but can I change how I handle the big things that lie ahead? All I can do is take it day by day, and hope that what I learn from those smaller experiences can help me better handle the larger, more impactful ones.}

Being happy doesn't mean that you're weak. It doesn't mean you're slapping a band aid on something instead of dealing with it. On the contrary, I think actively choosing to be satisfied with your situation takes a lot of strength. It takes strength to pick yourself off, dust yourself off and say, "Okay, that sucked but you know what? I can choose to let this ruin my day or I can find something else good to focus on until I can find a constructive way to deal with the upsetting thing I've been confronted with." Of course there will be huge things down the road that will be more upsetting than I can manage with that line of thinking and I realize that. {And, just to be clear, this choice doesn't mean I'm surrendering my right to complain now and again...it just means I'll try to keep it to a minimum!} But what if, on the whole, I decided to just be open to the option of optimism and welcome the idea with an open heart and an open mind? What if I also chose to fill my life with positive changes that would promote a better mood and a more positive outlook, such as regular exercise, a healthy diet, and planning things in to our schedule that we can look forward to, opportunities to stay connected and engaged with our lives?

I don't know. Maybe I'm full of it. Maybe I don't know what I'm talking about and maybe I'll be terrible at this. But I'd rather try than not. I'd rather wake up and feel a pang of hope in my heart than succumb to a pang of despair. It's what I've learned, and it's what I think will be good for me. And I can only choose for myself. I deserve to be content (don't we all?). Every day. Even if the thing that makes me smile on a particularly bad day is something so seemingly trivial that it seems silly to someone else. At least I smiled, and I least I didn't let myself drown. Because I've been there before and it's not a good place to be. It's dismal there, and I really missed the light when I allowed myself to take up residence there for too long.

So this year's theme is conscious optimism. I will be conscious of contentedness, and conscious of my choice to attain it. Because this life is too short, and I'm far too blessed to not realize or appreciate it.