Okay, I'll admit it. I watched Dawson's Creek religiously as a teenager. In fact, I hosted a group of friends over at my house each week to watch it, and actually, our Dawson's Creek nights were a lot of fun! Now, as an adult, I've decided to re-watch it and it. is. painful. Entertaining, yes; overly dramatic, YES. But realistic? That would be a huge resounding NO. Too many big words for a bunch of early 20-somethings trying to play believable 15 and 16 year olds. Additionally, after being around that age group as an adult when Jason was teaching, I can assure you that most 15 and 16 year olds do not look or speak that way. However, they are most assuredly full of angst and raging hormones.
But I digress.
Besides the fact that it is entirely ridiculous on the reality scale, re-watching the series has taken me on a walk down memory lane big time. I don't remember all of the sordid details of the plot lines nor the full timeline of character interactions (you know, who dated who, who hated who, who was part of which group when, etc) but I certainly remember being that age and feeling those feelings and it's made me realize just how much I miss that time in my life. No real responsibility, everything was new and fresh and on overdrive; it was just such a shimmery, electric time. The excitement and nervousness of a first date, the anticipation and feeling of a first kiss, learning about your partner as time went on, falling in love. Every emotion was deeply felt. Dreams were on hyper drive. You could do anything, be anything, the future was this glimmering oasis just out of reach but seemingly so clear from certain angles. And it was all so exciting. Couldn't wait to grow up and get started!
And here I am. Grown up and "living in the future" but of course, some parts aren't quite as I'd envisioned, as I'm sure it is for everyone. Some things are better than I could have imagined. For instance: My 15-year old self couldn't have truly grasped that Jason and I would still be together all this time later, living happily together as Mr. and Mrs. It was most definitely a dream but at that time, not yet something I could rely on for truth. How many 15 year olds do you know who end up marrying their high school sweetheart, the first boyfriend they ever have, their first love? It happens but it's rare. And what a happy rarity it is! Other things are surprises - a mixture of good and not as good - such as living in the Midwest, not ending up on the career path I thought I'd have in journalism or editorial work, lost loved ones, my new-found passion for photography, not yet having a family at this age, and the medical challenges I've faced. But, when it comes down to it, this is real life. What we envision, what we dream about, some of the things happen and others don't. That's the way it is. That's part of growing up and learning about being an adult in the real world. Life happens when we're busy making other plans, right?
Most of my life thus far has been truly grand. Wonderful education, beautiful long relationship with the man of my dreams, a myriad of cherished friendships, enlightening {even profound} experiences, and even a few miracles thrown in for good measure. True, there are moments I wish I could take back and do all over again to try and get them "right," some memories I wish I could just erase, moments in time I wish I could relive again to feel their magic, but all in all, I'm content. I wake up each day and get to try again. I get to continue reaching for dreams not yet attained. How blessed am I?
So why does re-watching Dawson's Creek make me wistful for my teenage years? They were simpler times. The hardships I've faced since graduating high school hadn't happened yet. My biggest worry was turning in an assignment, working a few hours after school (at a store that has since closed, much to my dismay), or what I was going to wear to prom. I had angst, sure, and I worried quite a bit even then because that's just me but all in all, life was easier. But, notice I said easier and not better. Because the truth is, I am who I am because of everything, all of the years. I miss being a teenager because times were simpler and everything was new and exciting but given the chance, I wouldn't go back because going back might alter the outcome of what is. And even though what is has been hard at times, it's what was meant for me. And who am I to mess with fate? So I guess I'll just smile when I watch my old TV favorites and be wistful. Because I'm thankful for what I've got.
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